Lithium
by catherine.cat33
Summary: When Clare finds out that her husband of thirteen years is cheating on her, their marriage crumbles.  Then, by unexpected circumstances, she runs into Eli and her life is slowly pieced back together.  Another combined continuous story. *Done*
1. Come as you are

**Author's Note: **Hey Hey Hey! so this is another one of me(Catherine) and Cat's combined stories. We loved writing this story, and we hope that you enjoy reading it. Clare may seem a bit OOC, but that is because this is our portrayal of what she could be like years later. And be warned...there is a LOT of cursing in this (teehee).

**Disclamer**: We don't own Degrassi, Its characters or the lyrics to "Come as You Are", or "I will always love you " :)

It's six o'clock at night and the sky is dark  
and some stars are out. I lock my Volvo and go into the house I've shared with my husband for the past ten years. We've been married for thirteen years. We got married during our sophomore year of college. We have three kids, Annabelle who's twelve, William who's seven, and Violet who's four. When I get into my house I hear soft music playing, and murmuring noises coming from upstairs.  
"Bill?" I call out.  
No answer. I drop my purse on the end table by the front door and climb up the stairs.  
"Yes." Bill moans. I go to my room and see the door's slightly ajar. I hear numerous moans and a continuous "thud, thud" against the wall. I open the door.  
"So this is what you've been doing when I work late?" I scream. Bill's head shoots up from under the naked girl straddling him.  
"Clare!...this is not what it looks like." He says.  
"Oh, so you aren't lying in front of me naked and I didn't hear you moaning moments ago?" I seethe. The girl blushes.  
"Why does there always have to be an angry wife?" the girl whispers.  
"Excuse me for interrupting you, you little home-wrecker. But I think this is my husband you're fucking on the night of our anniversary!" I scream.  
"Babe, you said you were leaving her…"  
I cut her off, "Babe? No. Bill, how long have you been fucking this slutty little intern?"  
"Who are you calling slutty, bitch?"  
"Let me see… the naked bitch straddling my husband!"  
"Are you going to say anything to defend me Billy?" the girl bats her obviously fake eyelashes.  
"I think I'm just going to stay out of this." He says.  
"Stay out of this? _Stay out of this!_ This is your fault. That bitch wasn't the one who made a vow to God and me. You were."  
"But, Clare…baby." He pleads.  
"You lost the right to 'baby' me when you started fucking around. What will the kids think?"  
"_Nothing_, because they won't find out. Do you really want a broken family like yours, Clare."  
"Don't play any of your fucking mind games with me Bill. I'm done. You hear me? Done with you and your little hoe. Don't talk to me. Don't call me. Don't try to contact me. We are over. I'm going to Darcy and Peter's place and picking up the kids. We're through. Don't come near me or my kids anymore. _Ever_." I say as I back out of the room. Tears stream down my face as I run down the stairs ignoring the pleading calls from my husband. I grab my purse and slam the front door shut after me. I open the car door and drive off. My vision blurs from the tears streaming down my face. As I come to a red light I put on the radio.  
"And I will always love you…" I shut the radio off with a slam.  
"No you won't. You'll lie and cheat and fuck around with slutty interns." I say as I begin to move the car again. I check the speedometer and note my speed is nearing ninety miles per hour, but I'm too furious to slow down. I even crack the window so I can feel the slap of the cool night air as it hits my face and whips my hair around like a tornado. I continue to put pressure on the pedal, riding through the familiar curves of the road as the world blurs by. _Fuck _ that Bastard! Oh wait…someone already has! That man has been ruining my life since the moment I got pregnant and we had our shotgun wedding. All he cares about is sports, money, and sex. I had thought that I was in love. Sure, he'd been charming. Oh he'd used every trick in the book; his goofy grin and sexy smolder, but I'd been top naïve to see through him. I was nineteen and starry-eyed and I'd made him into a prince. But Bill would never be a prince. The man was a fucking bum. He'd never cared about me or the kids. I was worth less to him than even his hot sex with that intern. God, I've been so blind! All the signs were there. I wonder how many others there had been. I glance at the speedometer again and see that it says ninety five. I don't care anymore. All I want to think about is the adrenaline and the fast pumping of my heart sending blood through my limbs and to my fingertips. I _need _to feel _young_. I _need _to feel like I am _alive_.  
Suddenly, my headlights flash across a black car speeding down the opposite side of the road. The road is narrow and I know that we're going to collide. I press down on the brake hard, and the wheels screech as the car slows, but it's too late. We're going to crash. I brace myself and all I can think about is my kids. I see their sweet, innocent faces and pray that God still has mercy. The impact is brutal and when the airbag goes off I know that I am going to have bruises. I breathe out. I'm _alive_. The airbag deflates and I stretch out my limbs. I feel fine, but I can feel the anger bubbling back up. I had wanted adrenaline and adrenaline is what I got. I want to scream. I want to scream at the top of my lungs so all of the world can hear me. I want to run and scream so loud that Bill will fall to his knees and claw at his ears. I push the door open and see that there's a large indentation in the side of my car. I see the person from the other car step out as I do. I hear Nirvana blasting as the evidently male figure strides toward me.  
_Come as you are_  
_As you were_  
_As I want you to be._  
I hear the music as I strut equally angrily towards him. I feel like screaming and cursing. So I do.  
"Fuck you!" I say. "You just crashed my car!"  
"Hey, you were the one going at what? A hundred miles per hour?"  
"It was ninety five actually, you Bitch!" I scream.  
"And that's still way over the speed limit. What were you doing?"  
"It's none of your goddamn business what I was doing, you bastard!" As I scream I imagine Bill standing in front of me and not this nameless, faceless man from the black car.  
I hear Bill's voice when he says "You sure have a dirty mouth for a woman."  
"This, coming from the dirtiest, filthiest, most disgusting son of a bitch I know!" I take a few strides closer to him and I'm standing next to the hood of the car.  
"Watch your mouth, Lady."  
"How the hell could you do this to me Bill. You're _ruining _my life!" My fist wraps around an ornament on the hood. The metal is cold against the hot palm of my hand. I rip the ornament off and chuck it with all of my force and anger at Bill. I scream at the top of my lungs, but he doesn't crumble before me. My aim is a bit off and the ornament hits the side of the car and then falls to the ground at his feet.  
"Whoa," He says taking a step towards me, "Calm down, Clare."  
"Calm down? _Calm down!_ I will not calm down you son of a bitch. You _hurt _me! You _cut _me! _Deep_. All those years of my life wasted. On _you_. I hoped that you would change, but now I know that fucked up pieces of shit like you can never change. God Bill, how could you sleep with that whore! But it's more than that. It's more than you just cheating on me. You never loved me. I gave you my heart on a silver platter, and all these years you treated it like _dirt_. You treated _me _like dirt." I'm crying now. Crying and screaming. And Bill just stands there with his arms crossed and the streetlights casting a glow over him and his smirk. That _smirk_.  
_As a friend_  
_As a friend_  
_As an old enemy_  
I run my hands through my hair and pull, wishing my scalp were numb.  
The man bends down and picks up the ornament that I had thrown to the ground and he takes another step towards me so that we are now only a few feet apart. I look down at the ornament in his hand and see it clearly for the first time. It's a silver skull.  
"Clare," He says, and for the first time I don't hear Bill's voice, but a very different, but familiar one. One from a long time ago. "Clare, it's okay. It's going to be okay."  
My heart stops for a moment and then starts up again. Three times as fast. Memories flood through my head as I stare at this man, illuminated by the street lights.  
_Don't be late_  
_Take a rest_  
_As a friend_  
_As an old memoria_  
_Memoria_  
_Memoria_  
"Eli?"  
_This _was adrenaline.

**Author's Note: ** So please review! Reviews inspire us. :)


	2. cause I've found God

Disclaimer: We DO NOT own Degrassi…yup, that's all.

Chapter 2

"Eli." I repeat my eyes filling with tears. I clutch my stomach and fall to the ground. I cover my face with my hands and let all the tears out. The ones that had been collecting inside me; that I had been masking with anger. I feel the almost tangible dam collapse and the tears flow. I clutch my stomach and fall to the ground.

"Clare, you need to stand up, now!" Eli exclaims.

I can't. I'm frozen. Even when I hear the honking cars I don't move. I stay with my knees planted on the ground, the wet, black road soaking my pants, unable to get up.

Eli grabs my wrist and pulls me up gently. "Clare. This is not a joke. You could get hurt."

"I already am. I just. I need to go." I walk to my car.

It's trashed. The hood is ripped up, and oil is leaking.

"No." I whisper.

"Clare, come on." Eli appears at my side and puts his hand around my arm.

"My…my car…no." I say.

"You're in no condition to be driving, Clare. We'll call 911 and they'll deal with the car. Let's just get you out of here." He pulls me away from the accident as he whips a phone out of his packet and dials 911. When he leads me towards Morty I don't protest. I wait in the car, staring out the window but not seeing anything, as Eli talks to the cops

Suddenly Eli opens up the passenger seat door, "Clare," He says, his face inches from mine, "they want to talk to you."

I look into his eyes and suddenly feel like a little kid, helpless and small, and like all I want to do is curl up into his arms where I would be safe from everything; from bad marriages and cheating husbands; from myself. "I don't want to talk," I say.

"Are you sure that your okay, Clare? That was a pretty rough crash and you seem a little bit…shaken. Are violent mood swings by any chance a symptom of shock?"

I shrug and continue to stare into those green eyes that were so close, yet so far.

"You were always the smart one…shouldn't you know?"

"I don't know how smart I am anymore," I say honestly.

"Clare, are you okay,"

"I'm fine…as long as you're not pressing charges I don't need to talk to the cops."

"Wow, you really are hot and cold. A minute ago the crash was my fault and now you're taking the blame,"

"That was before I knew you were Eli."

Eli stares at me for a long moment as if looking for something; something he had lost. I quickly averted my gaze and shifted it to the windshield was again. Eli went back to talk to the cops and in a short while, returned to the car.

When he gets back he wordlessly climbs into the driver's seat, as he put the car into drive music blasts through the speakers.

I'm so happy 'cause today

I found my friends

I close my eyes and lean my head against the seat. I listen to the song some more…

And I'm not scared

Light my candles in a daze

'Cause I've found God

That line sticks with me…I've found God…something, rather, someone who I've lost.

After we've gotten through most of the Nirvana CD we pull up to a house. Eli comes to my side of the car and opens the door. I unbuckle and get out of the car. I feel dizzy and grab onto Eli's hand.

"You okay?" he asks.

I nod, "Just dizzy." I reply. He holds my hand and we go into the house. He leads me up the stairs and brings me into a room.

"This is the guest room. Are you cold? Hungry? I could find something for you to change into."

I smile, "I'm a little cold, and wet. The asphalt was soaking from the rain last night."

"Be right back." he leaves the room. I turn around and get a good look at the room. A medium size TV adorns the top of a dresser. There is a signed poster of Dead Hand in the corner, some things never change. A knock comes from the door and I turn around to see Eli standing there holding clothes for me.

"Why didn't you put the poster in your room?" I ask grabbing the clothes from his hands.

"I already have a few in my room." he smiles.

"Are any of them signed?"

"No."

"So then why put it in here?"

"The other ones are special. One's from the first concert I went to, one's from the one I went to with Sav and Adam, and one's from the one we went to."

"Oh..." I yawn, to tired and shaken from the days events to give much thought to anything.

"Night Clare." Eli leaves the bedroom and closes the door behind him. I get changed into the clothes he brought in for me. The pajama bottoms are plaid black and red, no surprise there, and the shirt is one of his old Dead Hand tees. It smells like him. I turn off the lights and climb into the bed.

I wake up at one in the morning and get of the bed. I walk across the hall and go into Eli's room, feeling like I had those nights when I was little and walked down the dark hallways to my parents room because I had a nightmare .

"Eli." I whisper. He shoots up.

"What's wrong Clare?" he asks, his eyes still closed.

I smile, "Nothing. I can't sleep well."

He pats the empty side of his bed, "You're welcome to sleep here. With me. If you don't mind."

I climb into his bed and close my eyes. I feel his warm arms wrap around me. It feels right to be here. I don't question. I don't think about it. It's like no time has past and I belong lying next to him.

"Eli," I mumble as I settle into bed.

"Yes, Clare?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime, Clare, anytime."

"Night Eli." I breathe.

"Sweet Dreams Clare."

When I wake up the next time the sun is pouring in through the blinds. I turn over and feel emptiness. I shoot up. No Eli?

"Eli?" I call.

"In the kitchen!" he says. I get up from the bed and walk down the stairs and through a set of glass doors. "Morning."

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Ten." he replies placing an omelet in front of me.

"Ten?" I say, suddenly snapping back into reality and remembering that I actually have responsibilities, " I need to go." I run out of the front door only to realize two things. One, I'm wearing Eli's clothes, and two, my car's totaled and not here. I walk back into the house to find Eli standing cockily with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"Find what you were looking for?" he asks.

"No." I reply grouchily. I go upstairs, change quickly, and come back down. "Eli, I need you to drive me somewhere."

"Where to?" he grabs his keys.

"Darcy and Peter's apartment." I reply as we head into Morty.

The car ride is silent, except for me telling Eli how to get there. When we get to the Peter and Darcy's I run inside, go up to the apartment, and bang on the door.

The door opens and Darce is standing there. "Clare."

"Where are the kids?" I ask.

"Mommy!" Lettie jumps into my arms.

"Hi baby." I kiss her cheek.

"Mom, why are you here? Dad just called and said he'd be picking us up." Bells comes to the door.

I breathe. _Damn him_. "Change of plans honey. Get Liam and we're going."

Ten minutes later the kids are all packed up and we head outside. Eli's standing in front of Morty, looking as 'emo' as ever in his leather jacket, standing next to the deathmobile.

Shit…

"A hearse?" Annabelle exclaims.

"Whose the dude?" Liam asks.

"Kids, this is my friend Eli. Eli, meet my kids." I smile.

**Author's Note:** So, hoped you liked the chapter! We are going to continue on with the story, not really sure how many chapters it's gonna be…but reviews are always amazing and inspire us to keep writing!


	3. Movie Marathon

AN: Hey Here's Chapter 3...ready for this?

Disclaimer: We DO NOT own Degrassi…yup, that's all.

Chapter 3: Movie Marathon

"I call shot gun!" Annabelle yells as she sprints towards Morty.  
"Hey," Liam says, running behind her, "you always get shotgun. No fair!"  
"That's because I'm older. You're only eight and eight year olds aren't allowed to ride in the front. Right Mommy?"

"Bells is right sweetie, when you're eleven you can ride in the front too," I say, quickly settling the argument. Liam huffs and puffs all the way to the back seat.

I hold Violet's hand and walk to the car with Eli standing in front of it.

"They're beautiful, Clare," he tells me.

"I know," I smile.

Eli squats down to Violet's level, "And what's your name?"

Violet scurries around so that she's holding on to the back of my left leg with one arm and sucking on her thumb from the other.

I pat the top of her head, buried in my leg, "Come on, Lettie, don't be shy. I know he looks scary, but I promise, Eli doesn't bite."

Violet nods her little head.

"Yes?" I say, "Yes he does bite?"

She nods again.

I laugh, "I promise, Lettie, Eli won't hurt you. Would I let anybody mean get near you?"

Then I realize that I had. I had let someone mean near my perfect little babies all their lives. Their father.

"But I saw," Lettie mumbles against my leg, "I saw his teeth,"  
"Hmmm…," I say, "I thought that they were nice teeth,"  
Eli smiles an over-exaggerated smile up at me.  
"Yes, very nice teeth. White and sparkling," I smile right back at him.  
"No!" she says, "They're vampire teeth."  
"Vampire teeth?" I squat down too now, "well you know, I always liked vampires."  
Violet peeps her head out from behind me and looks at a now-smirking Eli, then quickly giggles and tucks her head back behind me.  
"Can we go now?" An impatient Liam says, opening the car door and sticking his head out.  
I look to Eli, "We should go, as Darcy said, you-know-who will be coming along any minute and I really don't want to have to deal with that right now, not with the kids."  
Eli stands up "Okay, let's get moving, but hey, Blue Eyes," he says, shoving a hand into his pocket, withdrawing the keys and tossing them to me, "you take the wheel."

I catch the keys and stare at them in my hands, "Eli, I haven't driven Morty since high school and we both remember how well that went,"

"I'm sure that your driving skills have improved since then…well judging from yesterday's events I guess they haven't much, but come on, it will be fun,"

"Eli…"

"Live a little Clare."

"You think driving an old piece of junk like this is living?" I tap the hood of the car and it makes a hollow metal sound.

"Hey, Morty is very insulted, and he had liked you, Clare, tsk tsk,"

"Oh, Morty likes me all right," I say and I strut over to the driver's side of the car.  
I get in the car and wrinkle my nose at the reek. Then I realize that Annabelle is sitting in the passenger's side. "Bells, honey, do you mind sitting in the back for me and letting Eli sit in the front?" I say, partially because I want Eli to be there to help me if I need it and partially because I am just a little bit scared that if my driving skills fail Bells would get hurt sitting in the front.  
Annabelle sighs but says, "fine."  
"Ha ha," Liam says as she gets into the back along with Violet and him, "You don't get to sit in the fro-ont!"  
"Well neither do you," she sticks her tongue out at him.  
Eli climbs into the passenger's seat as I look at Morty's controls and try to remember how to use a stick shift.  
"Generally the first thing that you do is turn the car on," Eli says.  
"Still never lost the sarcasm did you?" I say, putting the key into the ignition.  
"Nope. Never will," I don't look at him as I put the car into first gear and hit the gas, but I know that he's smirking. I realize that I still know him so well. Maybe better than I had ever known Bill. After thirteen years of marriage I didn't really know Bill at all. If I'd really known him I would have known that he was a liar and a cheat and a terrible father. Eli, on the other hand, I know almost as well as I know myself. Despite his secrets and dark past in high school, I always knew him. I knew what made him angry and I knew his sense of humor. I knew that when I tickled the back of his legs he would laugh uncontrollably. I knew his smirk and I knew his smile and I knew how to read his eyes and let him read mine without speaking at all.  
I shift into third gear and the car stalls and then jerks forward. Violet shrieks.  
"Oops," I say, "sorry Lettie,"  
"That was fun!" Liam says, "Can we do it again?"  
"Take it easy, Clare, okay, you're going to have to shift to fifth when we get on the highway."  
"Why don't I just take the back roads home?"  
"Because by driving the highway you'll show mastery of your newly acquired skill."

Surprisingly, we all make it to my house in one piece. I let out a sigh of relief when I see that Bill isn't home. He probably went to work after he realized that I had picked up the kids. Work always was his top priority. Well, after sports and sex with slutty interns. I feel my anger bubbling up again at the thought of the incident, but then find myself smiling when I think: Really Bill, could you be more cliché?  
"Mommy," Annabelle says when we get in, "Can we watch a Disney movie like we used to on Mommy-Annabelle nights?"  
I smile at the mention of those nights that I had created after Liam was born so that Annabelle didn't feel neglected as a new child entered the house. When Liam had gotten older we'd had Mommy-Liam nights too. A few years ago we'd stopped having these special nights. I realize that that time was around when Bill and I really started fighting. I wonder if everything was better back then when I didn't fight and just suffered in silence. Would it be better for my kids if I did suck it up so that they could have a whole family instead of a broken one like mine?  
"Sure. We can have a Mommy-Annabelle-Liam-Violet-Eli night," I say, including Eli because I realize that I don't want him to go.  
"Can we watch Robin Hood!" Liam exclaims.  
"No," Annabelle says, "A princess movie,"  
"Princess!" Lettie chimes in, "Cindyrella! Cindyrella!"  
"Cinderella's a wimpy princess Lettie. How about Pocahontas or Mulan?  
"Ew! I hate princesses. There's always kissing in princess movies."  
"You're totally right Liam, us men have to stick together. I'm thinking something with some serious action…or gore. What Disney movies have gore?"  
Liam beams up at Eli.  
Eventually we all settle on The Aristicats. It's the perfect balance of romance and adventure. And Lettie's going through a bit of a cat phase (her favorite animal changes every week.) I pop in the movie and then settle down on the couch between Annabelle and Eli.  
"You mean you've really never seen The Aristicats?" I ask Eli, popping a piece of popcorn in my mouth as the movie starts.  
"Never."  
"Come on, it's a classic. How could I have been with you for three years and never had you watch The Aristicats?"  
"We were much too busy doing other things than to watch Disney movies."  
I blush at the innuendo and kick him gently.  
"I'm talking about poker," he says, "You're mother and I used to play so much poker, you wouldn't even believe it. This woman's a shark."  
I laugh. I'd never played poker in my life. "Have you seen Tarzan?"  
"No."  
"Oh my gosh, Aladdin?"  
"Nope."  
"Peter Pan?"  
"Still no."  
"What about Mulan?" Annabelle asks.  
"No, but I heard that she's not a wimp like some of the other princesses."  
"No," Annabelle replies enthusiastically, "She's strong and she's smart and she risks her life to save the people she loves."  
"The Lion King?" Liam pipes up.  
"Sorry buddy, no."  
"Pumba and Timon are the best! You would love the Lion King."  
"Did you see Beauty and the Beast?" Lettie says with bright eyes, finally working up the courage to talk to the fanged man.  
"Nope, Lettie, I don't believe I have."  
"My kids are concerned, Eli," I say, "I think we need to educate you,"  
We make it a Marathon. After The Aristicats we watch Mulan and then Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King. We sing along to all the songs, and Eli even joins in on the refrains of some of the more well known ones. Half way through The Lion King Violet walks over to Eli and he places her on his lap, bouncing her on one knee. She giggles and eventually falls asleep during Beauty and the Beast, leaning against his chest. He strokes her back gently and it seems so easy. Like Eli belongs in our house and Lettie has been falling asleep on his lap all her life. I look to my other two kids and see that they've fallen asleep too. I turn to face Eli and his green eyes are already looking right at me.  
"Hi," I whisper as Mrs. Potts sings 'Beauty and the Beast'.  
"Hi," He says and our eyes stay locked for immeasurable moments.  
"We should probably get them to bed," I finally say.  
"We should," He passes Violet to me so that I can carry her up the stairs. He gently picks up Liam and brings him up the stairs, I show Eli his room, and then Annabelle's as he carries her up too.  
When we return downstairs we go to the kitchen table and I start making us some coffee.  
"I like mine black," he says.  
"I know," I say, already pouring it.  
"Thanks."  
"Thank you, Eli; you were so unbelievably great today and last night. The kids love you" I say, handing him his coffee and sitting down beside him with mine.  
"They're great kids."  
"They really are, despite their father. They're amazing, if I do say so myself."  
"You're amazing, Clare,"  
I stare at him for a long moment, unable to shift my gaze. He leans in slightly and all I want to do at that moment is kiss him and forget about the fact that my car is totaled and that my husband cheated on me and my marriage crumbled and I don't know how I'm going to deal with my husband. Because in that moment when our lips would meet, that would all go away, and we could just be like to kids in high school again; innocent, well, almost innocent. Eli's lips are now inches from mine and I smell his Eli scent.  
Suddenly I hear the garage door opening and I jump back and out of my chair.  
"Oh God," I say,"Fuck!"  
"Clare…should I…"  
But it's too late. Bill's already stepped in and his eyes are wide, shifting between me and the man in the leather jacket.

**Author's Note:**We hope you liked it...oh yeah...we DONT own the Disney movies either...and since we dont wanna be sued...there you go

xoxoxo Catherine and Cat


	4. All Your Life

**Author's Note:** Hey there...this chapter is named after Cat's favorite (well...one of them...ha!) song by the Band Perry...it's called All Your Life...LISTEN TO IT! haha

**Disclamer:** We do not own Degrassi, it's characters...or the lyrics to All Your Life (which are in italics...you'll know them when you see them!)

_Chapter 4: All Your Life_

Both Eli and I jump up and stand by the table.

"What the fuck is going on here Clare?" Bill stomps to my side.

"Is this your husband?" Eli asks. I barely register my head moving up and down ever so slightly.

"Damn right I am…now who the fuck are you?" Bill's voice gets louder and meaner with each word said.

I stop Eli from talking and with my hands push the two men arms length from me. I turn to Bill, "Get out."

His pale grey eyes widen with shock, "What?"

My voice is harsh, "Get out of my house! Do _not_ come back. Do _not_ go to the kids. Do _not_ do anything. Gather your _shit_ and get out!" I keep my voice low and soft, but harsh and Bill sees the meaning behind what I say.

He gets his briefcase and turns back to me, "I'm not taking my stuff because eventually you will realize this mistake. Eventually you will come crawling back to me. And when you do, Clare, I'll accept you back with open arms. And everything will go back to normal."

"You don't want your things. _Fine_! I'll throw them into the _damn_ fireplace."

Bill just smiles. I feel my fingers curl into fists at that sly, disgusting smile. Bill backs away through the garage door and I hear his car storm off into the distance. Along with it goes my anger. I turn back to face Eli and blush when I realize my hand is still on his chest. Immediately I take my hand off and I run my hand through my hair. Eli's jade eyes are lingering on me, almost asking me a question.

"So, this has been fun, but I should get going." Eli starts to walk away until I pull him back to me. Our chests are mere centimeters apart and I can feel his breath on my face. Even though I've grown in the past few years, so has Eli, and he still stands an inch or two taller than me. Our eyes lock.

I hear myself speak, "Don't go. _Please_."

Eli doesn't answer me and we stand there staring at each other our heads coming closer until our lips meet in a fiery embrace. He wraps his arms around my waist and tightens his grip. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him slightly closer to me. We kiss like that with the feverish passion I'd only ever kissed and felt with Eli, for a few minutes before he breaks away. I lean my head on his shoulder and gasp for air. He places his chin on my head and I can feel him trying to catch his breath too. Perfection.

Eli and I part ways, him falling asleep on the couch and me retreating up to my bed. I walk into the room and am unable to stand it. This is the place my husband was sleeping with interns for so long. How could I have not known? I thought the wife was supposed to always know! The room seems to mock me and I can't take it. I back out of the room and creep on my tippy toes to the guest room at the end of the hall. When I get in there I close the door. I take my socks off and walk across the smooth carpeted floor to the bed. Out of my jacket pocket I grab my IPod before tossing the jacket gently on the floor. I crawl under the covers and put the earphones in and press play. All Your Life by the Band Perry plays as I close my eyes.

_Would you walk to the edge of the ocean_

_Just to fill my jar with sand_

_Just in case I get the notion_

_To let it run through my hand_

_Let it run through my hand_

_Well, I don't want the whole world, the sun, the moon and all their light_

_I just wanna be the only girl you love all your li-i-ife_

I fall into the serenity of sleep.

**Flashback:**

"Eli." I smile and walk over to Morty. I jump onto the hood of the car and pull off Eli's headphones.

"What the—oh, hey Clare." he says. He seems out of it.

"Hey Clare, that's all I get? No kiss? What's going on with you Eli. You've been like this for a while."

He sighs and gets the courage to look me in the eyes. For a moment I think he's going to kiss me. For a moment all I can think is that this moment is perfect. I know we'll have more of them in the future.

"I want to break up."

My world shatters. It's like in the movies when someone screams and you get the view of the world breaking like glass. Except—this is real. This is my life. This isn't a game or a movie or a dream. It's real. He said it.

"What…why?" I ask.

"Clare…it's just. It's just…"

I cut him off, "Is this because of Julia? Eli, we've been together for two years."

"No, Clare. It's just. I'm in college. I think we need time to reevaluate this situation."

Tears well up in my eyes. Am I hearing this correctly, "But…Eli, I love you."

"I love you too, but I just think that you're going to New York for college. I don't want to keep you from your dreams!"

I feel the urge to scream that he is my dream! Aside from being a writer all I want is him. All I need is to know he'll be there for me. I stare at him, unbelieving.

"Think about it Clare."

I get off the car and walk away. When I get to my house I open the mailbox. The big envelope is in there. I take it out and read it. Early admission to college. I leave in two weeks.

_Goodbye Eli._

**End Of Flashback**

I shoot up from sleep and notice the time. Three AM. I lie back down. No matter how hard I tried I always loved Eli. No matter how many new men I met, I still had a spot in my heart for Eli. Even when I dated Bill. I notice that I never loved Bill like I love Eli. Even to this day. It may have been a mistake to marry Bill. It may have been a mistake to let Eli rip my heart out. It may be a mistake to be thinking this now. But what I know is that no matter what Eli will always be in my heart. I'll love him forever. No way to change it.

The door to the room creaks open. I sit up straight and watch as Lettie walks in holding onto her stuffed bear whom she named "Berry Bear", I think that's what was on the tag for it though. She walks to the side of the bed I'm sitting on and holds out her arms asking silently for me to pull her onto the bed. I do as requested and sit her down on my legs.

"What's wrong Lettie?" I ask. Her pale blue eyes glisten in the dimly lit room.

"I had a bad dream." she whispers. I pull her in for a hug and kiss the top of her hear while I rub soothing circles on her back.

"What was the dream about?" I ask.

"It was about Daddy."

My eyes widen. She turns to me and I see tears in her eyes.

Without me asking she continues, "I dreamed that he died."

"Lettie. Daddy isn't dying nor is he dead."

"And Eli replaced Daddy…"

**Author's Note:**We hope you liked it...oh yeah...we DONT own the Disney movies either...and since we dont wanna be sued...there you go

xoxoxo Catherine and Cat


	5. Rollercoaster

**Author's Note: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Especially spike4theworld (we know how much you love this story! please don't hate us!). We've both had so much one our plates as of late and it's been hard to coordinate with each other. SORRY! we promise not to have you wait a fucking month for ther next chapter! REVIEW!**

**Disclamer: We do not own Degrassi or it's characters...just Liam Bells and Lettie**

_Chapter 5: Rollercoaster—Clare's POV:_

I sit at the kitchen table, my hand wrapped around a cup of coffee. It's two in the afternoon and I should be getting the kids soon. I just woke up. After what Lettie said I had to get her back to sleep and then I couldn't stop thinking about what she said "And Eli replaced Daddy…". Is it possible that that's a premonition? Inconceivable. But, then again they do say that you dream of real life situations. But how could she…I need to get my mind off of this. I take one last hearty sip of coffee and grab my trench coat and umbrella before heading out the door. Eli had my car dropped off at the house this morning and it's better than it was originally. I hop in and drive first to Lettie's day care. I walk in and greet the receptionist with a warm smile.

"Clare." she stops me.

I walk over to her, "Good afternoon Lilly."

"Why are you here?"

I laugh, "You must be joking. I'm here to pick Lettie up."

"Oh. Bill already came for her. They left ten minutes ago."

I shake my head, "You have to be mistaken."

"No. Bill came in and took Lettie. Though I have to say she was quite surprised to see him here."

"So he was really here? This isn't a sick joke?"

She shakes her head, "Why would I joke about something like that?"

My heartbeat races, "Excuse me."

I run out of the day care and jump into my car. _Bill you asshole, you can't do this!_ I think as I drive off.

My next stop is Liam's school. When I get inside the assistant tells me the same thing. I feel like screaming, but instead I run back out to the car and I floor it to Bells' middle school. It's always a hassle that all my kids go to different schools, but today it's particularly inconvenient. By the time I get to Annabelle's school they could be gone! I could be separated from my kids forever!

When I get there I barely see her getting into Bill's BMW.

"Bells!" I scream.

Her head turns, "Mom?" My mind whirs with what is going on. Lack of sleep doesn't really help me out here either. My body just wants to crawl back into bed. My heart aches for this to just be a dream. A delusion from lack of sleep, but I know that that isn't true.

"Come here!" I shriek waving my arms violently. She begins to move, but Bill puts his hand on her shoulder. A confident smile is across his face. I know he thinks he's won this battle, but I am not giving up. There is nothing anyone could do that would make me give up on my kids.

People in the parking lot begin to stare at us. But I ignore the weird looks and the glares and the people who are hiding their kids behind them as I run to the car shouting for my kids.

"Say goodbye to mommy." Bill shoves Bells into the car. In the backseat I see Lettie pounding on the back window crying and screaming for me. Bill smiles evilly to me and waves before getting into the car.

"No!" I shriek running after it. When I get there the tires screech and I cough at the exhaust fumes from the car. "Bill!"

But the car is veering in and out of lanes and speeding out of the parking lot. I race to get to my car and I speed after Bill. I stay a few cars behind him and try and get myself to calm down. In my head I chant: _The kids are fine. They aren't hurt—not physically. They don't know what's going on though. They don't know why mommy and daddy are racing down the highway. They don't know why mommy and daddy are mad._ This helps me calm down enough so that I can focus on the road in front of me. My heart pumps fast and I feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. This helps me stay awake. This helps the road in front of me not become a blur from lack of sleep.

But nothing can change the fact that my kids are in the car with the man who I hate. The man who cheated on me. The man who I once loved. I don't know if I can ever look at him ever again. Not without trying to kill him. Without screaming and cursing him out.

I don't know why he's doing this! If he wants to talk just talk, he didn't have to kidnap the kids. If he wants to see the kids, ask me. If he's doing this to get me back then he's doing a bang-up job! There are a million and one things he could do instead of kidnapping the children! A fucking lot of things that I can think of off the top of my head. But, none of them lead to him kidnapping the kids! Nothing I think of could possibly make him have a valid reason to take the kids away from me. Nothing! But, then again, Bill isn't just anybody. He's…Bill, and really that's all I know how to describe him. He was always too much for words…

My phone rings and I put it on speaker.

"Hello." I say.

"Clare, it's your mother…"

I cut her off, "Not the time mother!"

"But Clare…"

"Bye mom! I'll call you later."

"Okay. You do sound preoccupied. Love you."

"Love you too mom." I hang up my phone.

It rings again.

"Clare."

That voice. I freeze. My mouth dries up. I keep myself focused on the road. _Shit! I lost Bill! No!_

"Clare, are you there?"

"Hold on Eli." I pull over to the side of the road I'm on.

"Holding."

I put the phone to my ear, "Shut up. What do you want?"

"I was wondering how you are. I mean you were still asleep when I left. Is everything okay?"

"No Eli. Nothing's okay. Bill took the kids from me."

"What?"

"He took the kids after school so I raced after him, but I just lost him."

"What?" his voice sounds more urgent.

"Bill sped away with my kids. He took them Eli. My babies. He took them! My kids! And I don't know where they are! Eli, they could be anywhere. Anywhere and I…I don't know where they are!" By now I'm screaming.

"Clare…calm down."

"How can you say that Eli! Haven't you been listening? My babies are gone!"

"I heard you Clare, but you know that freaking out won't help you. You need to calm down. Tell me where you are and we can go find him."

_We? Me and Eli? Together? _

"Clare? _Where are you_?"

"Oh…highway 490 route 47." I reply.

"I'll be there soon, but try to calm down. Panicking won't solve anything."

I smile, "Says the guy who freaked out when I rearranged his locker."

"I'll be there soon."

The dial tone calms me down and I close my eyes for a moment.

A loud banging comes from the car window. I shoot up and see Eli standing out there smirking. I roll down the window.

"Hey." Eli says.

"What time is it?" I yawn.

"Three."

"They could be anywhere now!"

"Calm down Clare. Move over." he says.

"Why?"

"I am not riding in the passenger's seat when you can hardly keep your eyes open."

"No, I mean why are you riding with me. What about Morty?"

"A friend of mine dropped me off. Now slide over."

I turn to my left then back to Eli, "Can't I just walk around?"

"Suit yourself." he moves and allows me to get out of the car. I walk around the car and get in.

"Thanks Eli...for everything." I say sincerely.

"No problem Clare. I know you'd do the same thing for me." he starts the car.

"You have a psychopathic ex and three kids?" I joke.

"You know what I mean." he smiles.

"That I do Eli…that I do." I smile and close my eyes.

I've always felt comfortable around Eli, and now that I'm with him again…there really are no words to describe how I am feeling. _Loved?_ I guess, I feel that Eli loves me even though it's been years. When I meet his green gaze I can't help but feel like a teenager again.

The emotional rollercoaster is my ride these days. It's a different kind of ride than it was when I was a teenager. Now it seems to have two sides. One is Eli, the happy rollercoaster where I can feel every nerve ending in my body spark at the teeniest touch. And the other Bill where the background noise it lightening and shadows hover overhead. The ride I once knew and loved—and was separate—has now become something I dread. I dread the Billcoaster because of how I feel during it, because when I see him I hate him and I hate feeling that way I mean for god's sake he is the father of my children! But then I dread the Elicoaster too because I love it, I love the way I feel when I see him, it's like I'm a teenager again, but then when it's over I can't help but feel nothing except guilt for those feelings.

And, I shouldn't feel guilty for loving someone or something, right? I should feel good. I mean love should bring happiness, not pain, or did I miss this whole life lesson. I know…love and heartbreak go hand-in-hand, but just once…just once I wish that I could have the good without the bad. The romance without the breaking. The love without the hate. Can't things be that simple?

_Silly Clare, of course they can't. Not for you of course. No, nothing can ever be black and white with you Clare, it all has to be blurry and grayed, right? You don't deserve the love without some form of hate. You are nothing._ One voice inside my head says. It sounds quite like my mother.

_No, that's not true, I do deserve love. Everyone deserves love. It can be that simple. It…there has to be a way for it to be like that, doesn't there?_ I fight back with the voice.

_Not for you my dear, and trust me with the relationships you've seen I'm surprised that you have had a relationship. Take your parents for instance they fought all the time. They're opposites…_The voice sing-songs the last part.

_But opposites can go together. Yin and Yang! Sun and Moon! Fire and Water! Everything has it's opposite. Everything can coexist with its opposite. Everything doesn't have to end up shitty. Things can have happy endings._ I retort.

_Fairy tales Clare. Nothing is ever that perfect in real life hon. _Nothing_. Face the facts. You and Bill have been married this long_…

"Breaking news."

I open my eyes. It hadn't been a voice inside my head that said that. It was the radio. I turn the station up and listen.

"If you're heading down highway 490 watch out for a major five car pile-up. Emergency units are on their way. Be careful out there folks." Rock music pumps through the sound system and I turn the music off.

I turn to Eli just as I see the five cars. I look at each car until my eyes land on the third one in the pile-up. A BMW. Bill's BMW to be exact.

"Stop the car Eli! Now." I shriek but Eli, as always, is one step ahead of me and has already stopped the car. I run out and head for the ambulance that is parked next to the cars.

"You'll be fine. It's just a little bruise." the EMT says. I look in.

"Mommy!" Lettie screams.

Tears fall down my cheeks, "Hi baby." I climb into the car and sit next to Lettie. "Where are Liam and Bells?"

"Right here mom." Liam says. I turn and he's holding onto Bells who has a bandage around her leg.

"What…"

The EMT cuts me off, "She broke her ankle and her wrist. The boy has a sprained wrist. And this little trooper right here had a dislocated shoulder. But…I'm afraid…"

The woman pulls me out of the truck and pulls me aside so that the kids can't hear.

"Your husband suffered the most damage."

"How…how bad is it?"

**Author's Note: did we make up for being so so so so so late? hope so! review...btw: _The World_'s next chap is coming out soon**

**xo Catherine**

**xoxo Cat**

**xoxoxo Catherine and Cat**


	6. The Cave

**Hello There:** This is long overdue. But, Hello! We're deeply sorry for the long awaited chapter six. We love you all for waiting and reading and...most of all, reviewing!

**Disclamer:** We dont own Degrassi or its characters...just Bill, Bells, Liam, and Lettie

* * *

Chapter 6: The Cave-Clare's POV:

I sit in this white room. It seems so pale. Like a blizzard that you can't see through. Like a cold, lifeless hand. Like the sunken and hollow face of Death itself. I close my eyes so I don't have to look at its blinding whiteness. So I don't have to think those many thoughts that have been rushing through my head ever since I saw Bill lying so still and silent on that stretcher.

"Mrs. Clarke?" a young nurse walks into the waiting room and I look up at her with my tired eyes.

"It's Ms. Edwards," I say.

"You are William Clarke's wife, correct?"

"We were in the process of a divorce, but yes I am his wife." I say and the nurse looks at me like it couldn't matter less to her what I was in the process of.

"Come right this way Mrs. Clarke, the doctor would like to speak to you."

"Edwards," I say again, but she's already walking down the long hospital hall.

She brings me to the room that I had been to too often in this past month: Bill's room. The walls are the same sickly white as the waiting room. Bill lays there just as he had been since they had brought him here on the stretcher. Contraptions whose names I didn't know and wires and tubes were attached to the man I had once proudly called my husband. Bill's doctor, Dr. Richardson walks in and the nurse slinks away quickly.

"Clare," he says and I can already tell that he is getting ready to tell me something heavy.

"Dr. Richardson," I say, meeting him square in the eyes.

"You might want to take a seat."

I do as he says.

"This is never easy to tell someone, Clare, but I do have something pretty important to tell you."

I hold my breath.

"It appears that Bill…your husband, will not be awaking from his coma."

I exhale and feel my barriers break and that flood of tangled emotions begin to enter my consciousness.

"Now we don't know for sure if this is the case. There are rare instances when people awake after months or even years, but in Bill's case, this is highly unlikely. I'm very sorry, Clare."

I'm speechless even though I knew that this must have been coming.

"Now here comes the hard part,"

_It gets harder?_

"As his lawful wife, you are responsible for making the final decision as to whether Bill is taken off of life support or not."

My head reels.

"This isn't an easy decision, and I expect it's doubly so because of the position you're in and the impending divorce."

"Oh God," I say and I cover my face with my hands as I suck in a breath.

"We will give you time to decide, but do keep in mind that Bill's insurance won't cover the expenses of the life support or not."

"Not me. It can't be me. Someone else…someone else can decide." I say, barely able to form a coherent thought.

"I'm afraid it is you, Clare."

"His mother!" I say like those two words would solve all my problems. "His mother can decide. She loved him more than I ever did."

"I know that this must be a very emotionally charged time, but you are the only one to make the decision. In fact, Bill said in his will that if ever a situation like this were to arise, you were to be the one to decide."

"No!" I stand up frantically and am practically screaming. "Why me? I can't…I can't. No! This is so fucked up!"

I'm pacing and the doctor gets up and puts an arm around me in an attempt to soothe me, "It is you, I know that you'll make the right decision. My advice; go home, rest, think about it, and come back in the morning."

I nod and begin to feel my sense coming back to me, "Okay, you're right, I'll go home. Thank you Dr. Richardson, you've been good to me…and Bill over this past month."

"Thank you, Clare, I try my best." He smiles and gives me a pat on the back.

I grab my purse and leave the hospital as fast as I can, impatient to get home and to see my kids and more than I want to admit, Eli who has been watching them for me over the past month while I've been spending much of my time at the hospital with Bill.

I hop into the car and turn the radio on full blast, trying to block out my own thoughts.

_It's empty in the valley of your heart__  
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk  
Away from all the fears  
And all the faults you've left behind  
The harvest left no food for you to eat  
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see  
But I have seen the same  
I know the shame in your defeat  
But I will hold on hope  
And I won't let you choke  
On the noose around your neck  
And I'll find strength in pain  
And I will change my ways  
I'll know my name as it's called again  
Cause I have other things to fill my time  
You take what is yours and I'll take mine  
Now let me at the truth  
Which will refresh my broken mind  
So tie me to a post and block my ears  
I can see widows and orphans through my tears  
I know my call despite my faults  
And despite my growing fears_

I let the music soak in as I drive down the highway and pull into the driveway of my house. I shut the car off and practically run inside.

"Mommy!" Lettie's head pokes out of the coat closet and she greets me almost as soon as I walk in.

"Found her!" Liam yells.

Violet steps out of the closet and looks up at Liam, balling her little fists. "Hey, no fair!"

"All's fair in hide and seek." Liam sings.

"No 'snot!" She stomps her little foot on the wood floor.

I begin to fear that this will turn into an all-out fight until Eli swoops in behind Violet, picks her up and spins her around in a circle. Lettie erupts in a fit of laughter.

"Hey, my turn!" Liam says, lifting his arms up in the air.

"I think you may be a little too big for Eli to do that to you, buddy." I say, stroking his head.

Annabelle walks in and says playfully, "Yeah Liam, I think you've gained a little weight."

Liam puffs out his stomach and rubs like Santa Claus, "yeah, it was all those cookies."

I look at Eli "you gave them cookies?"

Eli holds up his hands, "hey, I said just two each, but someone got a little carried away."

Liam smiles mischievously, and despite the events of today I find myself laughing.

"Mommy?" Lettie looks up at me with her big, innocent eyes, "is Daddy going to be okay?"

I stop laughing abruptly and pick my little girl up, the knowledge suddenly hitting me all over again that whether Lettie's daddy was okay or not was up to me. "I don't know, honey, I don't know."

I hug my baby close to me and feel a single tear slide down my cheek. I open my eyes and see Eli gazing at me, concerned.

"You know what kids," I say, "It's already 8:30, and you have school tomorrow. What do you say to bed?"

"Mom, I don't have to go to bed until 9:30, remember?"

"Why don't you read for an hour, Bells,"

"Ok," she shrugs and starts walking up the stairs.

"But Mom, I'm not tired." Liam whines, but his assertion is delegitimized by the long yawn that follows.

"Are you sure all that hard-core hide and seek hasn't worn you out?" Eli says.

"Maybe just a little," Liam yawns again, starting his ascent up this stairs as well.

"You too, little missy," I say placing Lettie on the ground.

"Okay, goodnight Mom."

"Okay, goodnight Mommy, good night Eli, I love you," I'm taken aback for a moment and don't say anything.

"We love you too, Lettie," Eli steps in.

Satisfied, Violet goes up the stairs and to her room.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I had been holding in.

"Clare?" Eli says so tenderly and so lovingly that I can't help but cry.

"Clare, come here," he says holding out his arms to me. I practically stumble into them and let his warm, strong arms envelope me as I sob there in the foyer. I sob for my broken marriage and sob for my children who never truly had a father and who soon might not have a father at all. I sobbed for the man lying all but dead in that white hospital bed. I sob for the fact that part of me wants him to die and burn in hell for what he did to me and I sob for how wrong and messed up this all is. I sob for the guilt I feel and I sob for the love I feel.

Eli says nothing, does nothing, but hold me. It feels like we have been standing her for hours when I finally pull back and look him in the eyes.

"Thank you," I tell him and he kisses the top of my head.

"How about I make you some tea?" he asks.

"I think vodka would be more appropriate, but yes. Tea would be nice, and I guess you know your way around my kitchen by now." I say as we begin to walk towards the kitchen.

He laughs. "That I do. I'll write you up a list of what you need from the grocery store."

I sit down at the counter as Eli begins to fill the teapot with water. "So," he says, "Do you want to talk?"

"Where to start?" I reply and I start at the beginning, telling him everything that had happened in the hospital. He stops me only once when I tell him about how I had thanked Dr. Richardson and I hear him chuckle.

"What?" I say, "How is that funny?"

"Nothing, Clare, nothing." He says suppressing more laughter.

"Eli, tell me!"

"It's just, I'm sure ol' doc Richardson loved that." He says, still chuckling to himself.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused, and annoyed that Eli seems to be in on some joke that I know nothing about.

"Clare, really? I've been with you to the hospital before and I've seen the way that guy looks at you"

"Eli, Dr. Richardson has been nothing but professional."

"Sure," he says, leaning in over the counter, "on the outside, but I assure you the doc's been having far from professional thoughts about you."

"Eli, you're so immature," but I smile despite myself.

When I finally finish my tale Eli looks at me seriously. "Do you want my advice, Clare?"

"Well it couldn't hurt. Eli, you've been a great friend to me, and recently, you seem to be the only one who really understands me and this decision has been killing me."

He sighs as he finishes making my tea and places it in front of me. "Well, I could say listen to your heart, but I don't think it would help you and it would be far too cheesy."

I take a sip of my tea and it burns my tongue a little.

"Ice?" he asks, already getting some from the freezer.

"My advice," he says placing the ice in my cup, "Listen to your head."

I look up at him, taking a sip of my now perfect-temperature tea.

"Your emotions are so caught up in this, and of course they are going to be, Clare, you're going through a really tough time, but I think that the thing to do is think about this rationally, logically. What will be best for everyone? For you? For Bill? For the kids? Everything is so muddled up right now. You're confused, understandably, but if you can push all of that other crap away for just a moment…You're smart, Clare. I know that you'll come to the right conclusion."

"Well I'm not so sure."

He sits down next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. "Trust yourself, Clare. I know that it's not easy, but I'm with you. The kids are with you."

"Now it's just me that has to be with me," I say, looking down at the edge of the counter.

"Exactly."

I yawn, leaning into Eli even more.

"Is it Mommy's bed time too," he smirks

"Shut up," I say, but I place my head on his shoulder and let my eyes drift shut.

_Listen to your head…_

The next day I walk into the hospital and wait in that white cave once again, my heart pounds, but I feel grounded, with my feet placed firmly on the floor.

"Mrs. Clarke?"

"Edwards," I say as I follow the nurse into the familiar room. I look at Bill, the shadow of death surrounding his white face.

"Clare," Dr. Richardson greets me as he enters the room.

"Hello Dr. Richardson," I say, breathing in the white hospital air, "I have reached a decision."

* * *

**Goodbye: **We are so so so sorry we took soo long to post, but...if you have any mercy in your souls, you can give us a nice long review telling us what you think! :D

**xoxoxo Catherine and Cat**


	7. The Lonely

**Hello There:** Welcome to Chapter 7! I hope you enjoy this ride.

Last Chapter we forgot to say: The Cave title and lyrics are Mumford and Sons property...not ours

**Disclamer:** We dont own Degrassi or its characters...just Bill, Bells, Liam, and Lettie. And, The Lonely lyrics are Christina Perri's

* * *

Chapter 7: The Lonely-Clare's POV:

He looks at me for a moment as if I will just continue on my own, however even though I have come to this conclusion I find myself freezing as I look to tell this doctor what I have chosen.

Dr. Richardson turns to me and places his hand on my arm gently, "Clare."

I turn my gaze away from where Bill is and turn to the doctor, "Yes." I say.

"What's your decision?"

Those words seem to ring in my ears for a few moments, like they are questioning the validity of my choice. However, I push back those thoughts and then I look to the doctor, "Pull the plug." My words seem to hang in the white room and I feel both sets of eyes glued to me.

"This is a big decision to make Clare."

"I know Dr. Richardson. But, I've made my decision. I put a lot of thought into this, and…I, I know it will be best."

He walks over to Bill with the nurse by his side. He looks to me once more before he turns to the nurse and tells her to go to the other side of the bed.

"Okay…" he says to the nurse as they both turn to the machines.

I don't watch as they turn off the machines keeping Bill alive, my eyes are too fixated on his colorless face. I can hear the whirring of the machines die down and feel as the silence seems to take control in the room. The silence that comes with death. My thoughts, along with the noise in the room, begin to die down. The only thought on my mind is that I just watched as my husband died. I just watched the one man, the one dependant unchanging figure in my life for just over fourteen years die. The one person whom I thought I could count on to be there for me, the man whom I thought I could love and who would love me above all things, just died before my eyes. And, I know I shouldn't be this upset. I was mad at him, I hated him for everything that was wrong in my life. I blamed him for the wrongs, and cursed him endlessly for this pain I have. But, even with all the wrong, with all the pain he's caused, he was still my husband, the father of my children, and I loved him for the good. I love him still, even though every inch of me tells me differently. Even though, I know I shouldn't. He's caused me so much pain, and my head is screaming out hate, but my heart still has a space for him. For all the hateful things he's done, and for all the hurt he's caused me, he has also given me the three children whom I love with all my heart and I couldn't picture my life without them. And, that's why I love Bill.

I walk out of the hospital without saying goodbye. With only a small nod to Dr. Richardson, I leave the hospital and don't look back until I know for a fact I wouldn't be seeing that monster of a building. And, as I look back I sigh to myself. I sigh in relief, relief that he's gone and I'm free to be me. I'm no longer bound to the chains of a marriage that I hated. No longer wed to a cruel man who only cared for himself. No longer needing the approval of a husband who could truly care less.

When I get home I find Eli sitting down with the kids watching _Cars._ I sigh and drop my purse on the small table beside the front door and I place my keys down next to it. I walk into the room and smile at the sight that seems so comfortable. Like, nothing has happened. Like their father's body isn't lying down in the hospital's morgue. However his body is there, and I need to tell them about it. So, I take the few strides into the middle of the room.

Liam groans and sways his arms towards the side of the room, "This is the best part mom!"

Eli looks up at me and it's as if he knows just from a glance what's happened. He takes the remote and presses pause and takes Lettie off of his lap and slides her next to him. I take a seat on the old chair and as I sit on the comfortable leather I remember the moment when Bill and I bought it, the fight we'd had over where it would go in the house and how we would use it. However we'd still bought the chair, and it got much use as the kids grew into who they are today. Lettie stands up from her seat on the couch and she walks over to me, climbing up into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and watch as her small pale blue eyes look up to meet my gaze.

"So, how's dad?" Annabelle asks.

I look over to her and take in a deep breath. I take a glance at everyone in the room, all of their faces waiting for my answer. I take in another deep breath before I speak.

I sit in the cold wooden pew of the Church. I listen to the sermon that the priest gives, but I cannot really focus. I can only hear the crying of Bill's mom in the pew behind mine. I keep my eyes closed and my hands folded in my lap. My kids sit silently next to me. I force myself to stay seated throughout the entire mass and not to move. I will myself to stay here and not to leave and go anywhere else.

As the mass empties out I stand at the back of the church and listen as people say "I'm sorry for your loss." I get hugs from family members and I see the people who walk crying. I feel numb to this experience. Numb to this event. Numb to the death of the man who I was married to. As the last people exit the church I feel relief that this is over with. I smooth out my skirt and walk out of the church to come face to face with Emilia, Bill's mom. She glares at me for a stretched out moment before she gets into her car and drives away. I sigh and get into the car where my kids sit their faces downward. I turn on the engine and pull out of the church and head to Jonathan's Steak House for the luncheon.

We're the last to get there and as we walk in the kids walk to the back to where their cousins are sitting down. I sigh and walk to the side of the room and sit down. The music plays lightly through the restaurants radio and I focus in on the light beat.

_I'm the ghost of a girl  
That I want to be most  
I'm the shell of a girl  
That I used to know well_

_Dancing slowly in an empty room  
Can the lonely take the place of you  
I sing myself a quiet lullaby  
Then you go and let the lonely in  
To take my heart again_

_Broken pieces of  
A barely breathing story  
Where there once was love  
Now there's only me  
And the lonely…_

A month has passed since the funeral and things have gone back to normal. I walk through the super market aisles and look through the shelves for the farfalle pasta I'll be cooking for dinner tonight. I look up and see it on the top shelf.

"Oh come on…" I sigh and stretch to reach for the pasta.

"Here." A muscular arm reaches over me and pulls down the pasta and hands it to me. I take the pasta from his hand and turn to see who this man is.

"Owen?" I ask.

"Clare." he smiles to me.

"How've you been?" I ask, smiling.

"I'm good. I've been working as a personal trainer for the past ten years. You?"

"I'm a journalist, and I've been busy raising my three kids for the past thirteen years." I reply.

"Oh, is Goldsworthy the father?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

I stutter, "N-no. Their father recently passed."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm sad he's dead, but I'm not heartbroken."

We talked for a few more minutes before we exchanged numbers and I told him I had to go pick up my kids from school.

I sit in the kitchen and sip the cup of coffee I just poured myself. I grab my cell phone and put it in my back pocket as I walk out my door and to the car. As I beep the car I hear my cell phone ring and I put down my cup and pull out my phone.

"Hello." I say into the receiver.

"Clare. It's Owen."

"Oh, Hi Owen." I smile into the receiver as I open the car door and get in.

"Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tonight."

* * *

**Goodbye: **We enjoy a good review.

**xoxoxo Catherine and Cat**


	8. Steal Your Heart

**Hello There:** Welcome to Chapter 8. Enjoy. Review please? We know there has to be more than one reader out there!

**Disclamer:** We dont own Degrassi or its characters...just Bill, Bells, Liam, and Lettie. And, Steal Your Heart belongs to Augustana

* * *

Chapter 8: Steal Your Heart—Clare's POV:

"Thank you so much for doing this Eli. You know that you really didn't have to," I say as I look into the mirror and apply a coat of red lipstick.

"Well I offered, and you know how much I love those kids. Besides this will give me an opportunity to test out my hibachi skills," He says as Annabelle begins taking out what looks like all of the cooking supplies in our kitchen.

"Bells, honey, try not to make too much of a mess," I say putting a cupcake tray back in its drawer.

"Mom, Eli promised that he'd teach me to make fried rice, right Eli?" Annabelle says looking admiringly up at the man dressed in his leather jacket and infamous black skinny jeans.

"Well I don't know how much I'd trust in my cooking skills, but I'll try my best Bells," he says mussing her wavy auburn hair.

The doorbell rings and I quickly shove my makeup bag back in my purse. I rush to the door and swing it open.

"Well hello there," He says looking approvingly over my dark blue jeans that clung to my curves, black pumps, and purple top that showed just a peek of my cleavage.

"Good evening, Owen," I say, smiling at him, "give me one moment, I'm just going to say goodbye to my kids."

"I'll be waiting," he grins and I can almost feel his eyes on my bottom as I walk away. I add an extra little sway of my hips, maybe enjoying the attention a little too much.

"You're going out with Owen?" Eli whisper-yells as I walk past him and back into the house, "I knew you were going on a date, but do you not remember how much of a jackass that guy was in high school, Clare? We hated him!"

I turn on my feet quickly and look back at him, whispering so that the kids won't hear, "No, you hated him Eli. And besides, he's been very sweet."

I swear that hear him mutter under his breath, "the bastard."

I shoot him a quick glare and it's like we're back in high school.

"Goodnight kids," I say giving them each a quick hug.

"Goodnight Eli," I give him a chaste kiss on the cheek, "remember, people change."

"Not him." He mutters again, but I ignore him.

"You have my number. Call me if there's a problem. Thank you again, Eli, I swear, at some point I'll repay you for all this favors. Maybe one day you'll have kids and I'll become your live-in babysitter," I laugh, but Eli's face is humorless. His hands are balled into fist and he seems to be staring through the door at the man behind it.

"Eli." I say repremandingly.

"Go ahead; run off to your little boyfriend."

I sigh, but I don't have time to deal with Eli and his petty jealousy. I could have been his once, but he gave that chance up years ago, back at Degrassi.

"Good night Eli." I say and swing the door open, taking a step out, and not looking back.

"Is everything settled in there?" Owen asks me with a concerned look on his face.

"It is now."

"Good." He says, snaking an arm around my waist as we walk to his car and he opens the door for m, like a perfect gentleman.

Owen is a good driver, a fast driver. Owen leaves the windows open and a relish the feeling of the windy night air in my hair.

"Where are we going?" I ask Owen, smiling as we speed down an unfamiliar road.

"Oh, you'll see. Somewhere very special." He says, wriggling his eyebrows at me.

We soon pull into a parking lot and I see a building with a neon sign on it that says _'Bowling'_

"We're going bowling?" I ask him.

"I just happen to be the number one bowler in Toronto," Owen grins as he holds the door open for me.

"Oh yeah?" I smile devilishly, "we'll see about that."

We walk into the bowling alley and there are many people laughing and drinking and bowling. It's dimly lit, but there are different colored lights flashing, the music is pulsing through the place and some people are even dancing.

"This is definitely not how I remember bowling alleys from when I was a kid," I say to Owen over the music.

"Trust me Clare, you'll love it. Come on, let's go rent our shoes," He says taking my hand and pulling me along.

Surprisingly, I do love it. Owen is a pretty good bowler, but I win with the sneaking suspicion that he let me do so.

"Wow, I haven't had that much fun in such a long time," I say when the game is over.

"See, I told you that you would," he says wrapping an arm around me again, "come on, I'll buy you a drink."

I've had a two fruity cocktails and a martini before Owen has me out on the dance floor. The bowling alley scene just seems to get louder and rowdier and giddier and sexier as the night goes by. Owen grinds against my body and I begin to move with him too, losing myself in the music. And I have to admit, I kind of like it. It's been a while since I've gone out and done something like this. Even in college I wasn't much of a partier, but now, it feels so good to let loose and forget about my dead husband and all my problems for just one night. I sing along to some of the more familiar pop songs as Owen and I and all the other bowlers sway and grind and move.

I don't know how late it is when I walk with Owen to his car, and I don't think to ask him how many drinks he's had, but he seems far less intoxicated than I am. I feel drunk not on only all that alcohol, but on this night and the music and on Owen's charming self.

Owen turns the radio on full blast as we speed down the street-light lit roads. We both continue to bob our heads and sing out to the music as my tendrils of my hair get caught in the beautiful late-night breeze.

When we get to my house Owen walks me to the front door, leaving the music on in his car.

"Thank you for tonight, Owen, I had a great time," I say looking up into his dark eyes.

"Well, how could you not have had a good time? You were with me."

I laugh at his endearing cockiness.

"Goodnight Owen," I say, swinging the door open. I'm about to step into my house when he grabs me by the waist and pulls me back to him. He presses his lips to mine in a wet, hot kiss. It's a sloppy, drunken kind of kiss, but the kind of kiss that gets the fiery blood pumping through your veins. I hear the loud music coming from Owen's car and it seems to seep into the kiss and echo in my ears.

_Meet me at the water  
Where all your dreams come true  
Tell your sisters and your brother  
Well I'll be waiting for you  
And when all of this is over  
When all your silver turn to gold  
Say a prayer for each other  
Someday I'm gonna steal your heart  
I'm gonna steal your heart  
Gonna steal your heart away  
Gonna steal your heart  
Gonna steal your heart away  
Now love is like an ocean  
Take it down to the depths  
Yeah I'm taking you with me  
Taking every step to steal your heart_

While Owen's lips seem to envelope my very being, out of the corner of my eye I see Eli. Standing. With his arms taught at his sides. Staring. Glaring.

* * *

**Goodbye: **We enjoy a good review. It shows we mean something to you.

**Much love, **

**Catherine and Cat**


	9. Shark in The Water

**Hello There:** Welcome to Chapter 8. Enjoy. Review please? We know there has to be more than one reader out there!

Sorry for the late posting. Catherine had family obligations. But, we promise that we'll get the next chapter out sooner.

**Disclamer:** We dont own Degrassi or its characters...just Bill, Bells, Liam, and Lettie. And, Shark in The Water belongs to VV Brown

* * *

Chapter 9: Shark in The Water—Clare's POV:

I gently pull back from the embrace, "Goodnight Owen."

He smiles, "Goodnight Clare." He kisses me once more before he walks to his car and backs out of the driveway. I turn to the door, and walk in. When I get in the house I walk to the living room.

"Spying on me?" I cross my arms and stare at Eli, the anger bubbling.

"No." he replies firmly.

"You were staring at me and Owen." I remind him.

"You know what Clare, it's your life, not mine."

"What's that supposed to mean Eli?" I raise my voice and am near screaming, but I try to stop myself because I know the three kids are just up the staircase to my left and are asleep.

"That you're grown up. You can make your own decisions." He replies back.

"Could you be more cryptic Elijah?"

"You're an adult Clare. So, it doesn't matter what I think about the choices you make."

I cross my arms and stare at him, "Well, obviously it means something to you, otherwise you wouldn't be saying that so…go ahead Eli, tell me what you think of the choices I'm making."

"You really want to know Clare?" he asks.

"No Eli, I'm just saying that!" I groan.

"I think it's stupid!" he replies harshly.

"What's stupid?" I raise my voice.

"The fact you're dating only a month after your husband died. And, not just anyone, but Owen Milligan!"

I scoff, "What, are you jealous?"

I see him about to answer but he stops short and his face softens and his gaze turns to the stair case. I turn to see what he's staring at. Violet is on the stair case, holding onto Berry Bear and rubbing her eyes. She speaks softly, "Mommy? Eli?"

I walk over to her and pick her up, kissing the top of her head and then I ask, "Why are you up?"

"I had a bad dream." she says hiding her face in my hair.

I sigh and rub her back and then I turn to Eli, "Give me a few minutes." He nods and then I walk up the stairs into Lettie's room and I put her down on her bed and tuck her in.

After a few minutes of fussing I finally get Violet back to sleep and then I go back downstairs to find Eli gone. I sigh and decide to go back upstairs and into bed.

—

"Come on kids! We were supposed to meet Owen at the carnival at six!" I call from the bottom of the stairs.

"Chill mom, it's six ten." Liam says walking down the stairs.

I sigh, "I know."

Lettie and Bells follow in suit and we gather our coats as we walk outside. I turn around and see a familiar car in my driveway. "Eli?"

He walks over to us and pats Liam on the head and then takes Violet in his arms, "The, uh, the kids invited me to come to the carnival."

I look at them, "They did, did they?"

Liam shrugs, "There may have been a mention of the carnival."

I ruffle his hair, "Well, next time ask me first Liam."

He looks up to me, "Can Eli still come with us Mom?"

Bells chimes in next, "Please?"

Then Lettie, "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"And sprinkles and whipped cream too!" Eli enthusiastically adds in.

I smile, "Well, how can I say no to that? Let's go."

We all get into my car, Eli include, and then we drive off to the carnival. When we get there is nearing 6:30 and Owen is leaning against his car. I park next to the car and then I get out and smile walking to him and kissing him gently as he wraps his arm around my waist.

"Kids, say hi to Owen." I say as I see them get out of the car.

"Hi…" they all say, their voices sounding forced. I turn back to Owen, who either doesn't seem to notice or doesn't care. Eli steps out of the car and I see him smirk at Owen, and I feel Owen tense up.

"Owen, you remember Eli, right?" I ask.

Owen nods and after a moment he smiles a little, "Hey."

Eli takes Violet in his arms and she giggles, "Where are we going first?"

"Carousel!" she squeals.

"Let's go!" he replies and he starts walking with her.

"Wait up Eli!" Liam exclaims running after them.

"Hey! I call the red one!" Bells chases Liam.

"No! I get the red one!" Liam replies.

"That's unfair! I called it!"

I hear their voice drift off as they walk farther into the carnival. I turn back to Owen and smile.

"Hey." he smiles and leads me into the carnival.

After a few hours of going on some rides, and watching the kids go on some ride we decide it's time to go home.

Violet, however, has other plans and decides to run to the face painter. I sigh and follow her, handing the artist money as Violet explains she wants to be a butterfly. A buttercup yellow one. The artist paints Violet's face and when she's done Violet squeals and turns to show us. Then we keep walking.

"Wait a second." Owen says and pulls me to the cotton candy stand.

I turn to him, "You want cotton candy?" I ask.

He smirks, "You do."

I smile, "Okay."

He orders a pink cotton candy and then he hands it to me and I begin eating it. When I finish I look in the cone, then back to Owen to find him on one knee.

"O-Owen…w-what is this?" I ask. He takes the cone from me and pulls out the ring.

"Clare, will you marry me?" he asks.

I look around and hear the carnival music getting louder.

_Right is right, Rules are rules_

_This is what I get just for winding you up_

_Jack be nimble, Jack be quick_

_Please don't make to much of it_

_It ain't that serious_

I look to Eli and sigh to myself before turning back to Owen.

* * *

**Goodbye: **We enjoy a good review. It shows we mean something to you.

**Much love, **

**Catherine and Cat**


	10. Angels and Penguins

**Authors Note**: Sorry guys about taking so long to get you this chapter! But hopefully the epicness of this one and this next one will make up for it! Just a side note, depending on the responses we get there will be a epilogue and/or sequel…so REVIEW!

And about 5 months have passed since the last chapter

Hope you guys enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: Sorry guys, we do not own Degrassi.

I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering who that person is.

She's beautiful. The tiny blue beret in her auburn hair bringing out the color in her eyes and making them glow with a shimmery luminescence. Her white strapless dress clings tightly to her generous bosom, showing just a peek of cream-colored cleavage. Then the layers and folds of her dress glide down over her hips and legs like a sparkling waterfall. She looks almost other-worldly. Like a magical sprite or white witch. Like she just might have a pair of glittering wings hidden behind her bare back and at any moment she might fly away.

I picture my dress from my first wedding. Cascading lace and a high neckline come to mind. It was old-fashioned and fussy. Exactly what one would expect from a woman who had worn a purity ring all throughout her teenage years. I have a moment of déjà vu when I remember looking in a mirror in a different bridal parlor and wondering who that person was.

I feel gentle hands on my shoulders and I look up to see another face in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous," Darcy says.

I try to smile, but it comes out more as kind of grimace.

"There's the happy bride!" The wedding planner, Charlene, a pretty blonde in her late twenties says as she enters the room.

It hadn't been my idea to get a wedding planner. It was Owen who had wanted the big white wedding. He had even picked out the color scheme-blue and yellow.

"So, the decorations and orderves are a go, but the harpist still hasn't arrived. Apparently the highway's backed up which means some of your guests will be late too."

I don't respond because I am still transfixed by the woman in the mirror, so Darcy jumps in "that's fine Charlene, we shouldn't start until everybody gets here."

Charlene nods, "Oh, and Clare, the ex-mother-in-law seems to be a little tipsy. She already vandalized one of our bouquets in the foyer. I don't know why you insisted on inviting her, dreadful woman if you ask me. Would you like to have her escorted out Mrs. Milligan?"

At that name I snap back into attention. "I am _not_ Mrs. Milligan!"

Charlene seems un-fazed. "But you sure will be soon. Might as well get used to the name. Not a bad one too, if you ask me, with a handsome hubby like that one."

Just at that moment Violet comes rushing into the room and I see that tears are running down her face. She wraps her arms around my legs, but I can barely feel them through all the layers of my dress.

"What's the matter, baby girl," I say, looking down on her. She just shakes her head and hides her damp face in my gown.

Annabelle walks in. her face stoic and somehow too mature for her twelve years in her baby blue bridesmaid dress. "Mom," she says, can I talk to you?"

"Girls, what's going on?" I say.

"Shouldn't you girls be happy? Your Momma's getting married! You're gonna have a new Daddy!" Charlene says in a sugary sweet voice, pinching Annabelle's cheek at the end.

I see Annabelle's nostrils flare as she swats her hand away. "Mom!" she pleads.  
Violet has started wailing by this point and I'm having a hard time breathing. Or moving. Or thinking.

"Come her Vi," Darcy says, scooping up her niece, "Go talk to Bells, Clare, it seems important. And I'll be right here."

I follow Annabelle out of the room and when we get to an empty hallway she turn to me and I see for the first time that her eyes are glistening with tears that she's too brave to let out.

"Mom, I didn't want to have to do this. We all thought that you'd came to your senses before it was too late, but Liam and Vi and I have been talking," I am hit again by how grown up she seems, "and we think you're making the wrong decision."

"Is this about your Dad, Annabelle, because you know that no one will ever replace him."

Annabelle mumbles something under her breath that I don't quite catch.

"What was that, Annabelle?"

She sighs, "You know as well as I do that no one was hurt too badly after Dad died. I can barely remember one happy time I had with him."

"That's not what you said before, Bells."

"It was nothing mom, just forget it!"

She's getting upset and she seems about to crack, so I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug, and when I pull away the tiny bit of eye makeup that Darcy had helped her put on for the wedding is streaming down her face.

"Mommy," she says, now sounding like the little girl she used to be, "please don't do this."

"I love him, Annabelle," I say wiping the tears away from her face with my fingertips, "and he loves me and you kids. And everything will get better after the wedding, you'll see."

She doesn't say anything, but just looks up at me with those big, sad blue eyes and an image is conjured up from the recesses of my mind of another young girl with those same eyes who had to watch her mother marry another man.

"Annabelle, you know that this won't change the way that I feel about you and your brother and sister. You know that _nothing_ could ever change that."

"I love you, Mommy," she says.

And suddenly I am overcome by love for her and what a beautiful, genuine, mature young woman that she has become. "I love you too, Annabelle. I love you so much."

"Are you sure that this is what will make you happy?"

"No." I say without thinking, but the moment I say it I realize that it is true. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I can barely tell who I am. All I know for certain is how much I love my kids. So shouldn't I be doing what's right for them? I thought that marrying Owen was what was right for them, but now I am not so sure.

Suddenly Charlene comes into our private little hall, breaking the moment, "Clare, the harpist has arrived. He wants to know if you want him to start playing. He has a few selections prepared."

I turn away from my daughter and face Charlene, "that's fine Charlene."

**Liam's POV**

I pull at the knot of my bow tie, feeling as if it's strangling me. It loosens a bit and I wish I could get out of this _stupid_ tuxedo. I feel like a retarded penguin. I waddle my way through a crowd of people that are standing in a large room holding lean glasses with some weird yellowish soda in them. I'm just about to start shouting his name when I see him standing, talking to _that one_.

"There you are, big guy," Owen says giving me a slap on the back. I snarl at him, not caring if I'm being 'impolite', Mom's not here to see it anyway.

"Liam, that's not very nice," Uncle Peter says, but I think that I see him resisting a smile.

"Uncle Peter," I say, looking up at him "I need to borrow your cell phone. It's very _very_ important."

"What do you need a cell phone for, kid, everyone you'd wanna talk to is right here." Owen says.

I glare up at him, "Not everyone."

Owen garphumps, seeming annoyed at me, but I don't care.

"_Please_ Uncle Peter!"

"Alright," he says, reaching into his suit pocket, "give back when you're done though."

"Thank you!" I say when he hands it to me and I start running to somewhere away from the party and all these people.

"Hey, Liam," I hear Uncle Peter call from behind me

I swing my head around, "yeah?"

"Knock 'em dead!" he says with a wink.

A feel a grin stretch across my face "I will!" I say, and the last thing I say before I turn around again is Owen's reddened face.

I go through the big glass doors that lead outside so that no one will hear me, and I dial the number that I've made sure to memorize.

The phone rings and rings as I say "c'mon, pick up!" Just when I think that he's never going to answer the phone I hear his voice.

"Hello,"

"Eli!" I yell then quickly glance around hoping no one heard me, "it's me, Liam."

**A/N**: oooh…what's gonna happen? Remember to review guys, it means a lot to us! And we will try to have the finale chapter out soon.

Xoxo

Catherine and Cat


	11. A Love That Will Last

**Authors Note**: Sorry about the wait everyone, but it's here. The moment you've all been waiting for...

The Last Chapter.

**Disclaimer**: We only own Liam, Bells, Lettie, and this story. Not degrassi :P

* * *

**_Chapter 11: _**_A Love That Will Last_**_  
_**

_Why am I doing this?_ Was the mantra running through my mind right now. Why am I going to such great lengths for some woman who doesn't even care for me anymore? Why would she care? I'm not her "perfect" Owen, I'm nowhere near Owen Milligan's status. I'm no jock. I'm not an ex-bully turned personal trainer. I'm just me, plain old Elijah Goldsworthy. The starving artist who's hopelessly in love with the girl who broke my heart. Cliché, I know, but I can't help that now. My life's a total cliché, running around my house, trying to get ready to go run to a church on the command of the child of my ex. But, I'm still dressing myself, and tossing around everything, looking for my shoes. Why am I doing this? The voice inside my head. the rational one, continues to repeat itself. But the irrational one is scolding me, telling me to go faster. That I'm almost out of time. It's crying for me to get down those stairs and out the apartment doors and over to her church before Clare and Owen exchange vows.

The next thing I know, I'm out the door and on the street outside searching for Morty.

"Where is it?" I whisper trying to remember as I pull on my black loafers. Then it hits me, like lightning on a tree branch in the depth of the storm and I curse the air around me. Guess I'm on foot, I think and I start a steady jog that breaks into an all-out run as I head down the street looking for the looming white-grey Church. I hear the church before I see it. The sounds of the people inside, the sound of the birds chirping, waiting to be released like Clare had wanted.

As I reach the steps, they seem to grow, like in cartoons where when you're afraid of something it grows ten times in size. Kind of like a fun house mirror effect. I feel sweat beads on my forehead, and I wipe them away with my coat sleeve. 'Deep breaths, Eli, deep breaths,' is now repeating in my head. As I hear those words over and over again, I start to listen, taking in a breath every second.

I go to walk up the steps as the door opens slowly and a small figure walks out, peering its head around. When the small face turns just so and the small round blue orbs light up. "Eli! You came!"

I smirk softly, brightening up a little, "Course I did kid. I'd never leave you hanging."

He runs down the stairs and hops up into my arms, "I missed ya Eli."

I hug him tightly, "Missed ya too Liam."

He hops down from my arms and pulls on my hand, leading me up the stairs and into the grand building. I look around at the white and blue flowers, which seem to cover every nook and cranny. I don't realize I've stopped walking until I feel Liam's small arm tugging hard on my sleeve and his voice hurried, "Come on Eli! Mom's almost ready. You need to see her now!"

"Alright, Alright. Lead the way kiddo." I say to him and then begin to walk with him to the back room, hidden deep in the church. Voices murmur behind the walls and I hear snippets of the conversation. Something about the wedding planner and Owen talking privately and how Clare shouldn't know about it. The voice rebutting the argument was Alli's. I hadn't seen or heard her voice in years.

Liam leads me around the corner and then I see whose talking. Alli and Jenna. Both of them are in baby blue gowns, and they're holding onto matching bouquets.

"All I'm saying is, she doesn't need to know Alli! It's her wedding day. Leave it be." Jenna hisses.

Alli rolls her eyes, "As her best friend, I think I know what she needs. And Clare needs to know that Owen has been having 'secret meetings' with the wedding planner."

Jenna sighs, "Look Alli, I get how this seems, but Marisol said it was nothing, just wedding stuff."

Alli puts her hands on her hips, "Jenna! Marisol of all people is telling you this? Don't you remember how she broke you and KC up? she's no good. She's a relationship ruiner. The fact that she's the wedding planner isn't helping the situation! Have you talked to Owen?"

"No, I haven't." Jenna replies.

"Look, I think Clare needs to know this before she gets married to him."

"And I think we should just leave it be. It's none of our business Alli."

"She's my best friend Jenna!"

"She's mine too!"

"No she isn't. If she was, you would be on my side and we would be going to tell her this right now."

Liam's voice pulls me back into the mission ahead, "Eli, mom's in here. She's alone now. She'll see you."

I nod and follow him towards the door.

He knocks on the door, "Mom!" Then he runs away.

The door opens and I see Clare, in a white gown, perfect and flawless as always. She looks at me and studies my face for a minute before she speaks, "Eli? Where'd Liam go? Why are you here?"

I walk into the room and close the door behind me, "Liam asked me to come."

She looks startled then takes in a deep breath before meeting my gaze, "Oh...alright."

"Look Clare, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, and I know my timing is bad. When isn't it? but you've got to listen to me, okay?"

She nods and takes a seat by the vanity mirror.

"Clare, I've known you for years. I've loved you, and I've lost you before. You've always been the one good thing in my life. The one person who I could count on when I really needed someone at my side. I hated those years we didn't speak. It broke my heart that the one person I wanted...needed, most, couldn't be there. I couldn't call you up and ask for you to come sit with me, or to take a drive with me. Nothing like that. I braved my worst days alone and I'm proud I was able to do that."

Clare speaks up, looking not at me, but at her hands, "I'm proud of you too."

"But, none of my pride or joy or anything else happy in my life matters to me anymore. I had you back Clare. I had my best friend back, and I loved it. I could talk to you, and call you whenever. It was like high school; except I'm not crazy."

She cuts me off, "You were never crazy Eli. You're bipolar." She twiddles her thumbs and stares at the hemline of her dress like it's the most interesting thing in the room, like I'm not in here confessing everything I am to her.

"I-I know. But still, I felt crazy. I still feel crazy. But that feeling goes away when I'm with you. You're the best thing in my life Clare. You always have been. You're my best friend. You're everything I'm not and more. You mean the world to me...and, and to see you throw away your life on that...jerk! It kills me."

"He's not a jerk Eli! He's sweet and kind, and he cares about me. He cares more than Bill did."

"Really Clare? I doubt that."

"Why? Why is it so hard to believe I have a good guy in my life Eli? Why is that so damn hard to believe? Why? Why can't you let me be happy? I'm happy with him Eli. I'm happier with him than I was with Bill. Why won't you let me be happy?"

"Because" I suck in a breath and look at her, "because, I don't want you to get hurt."

She stands up and looks at me, "Owen would never hurt me Eli!"

"Correction Clare, I would never hurt you. Not in a million years!"

"Look at yourself Eli; you're the one hurting me right now. Not Jake, not Bill, not Owen, but you."

"I-I...Clare..."

"Just go Eli. Let me be happy."

"But Clare, I love you. That's all I want. Everything in me wants you to be happy!"

She meets my gaze, "Then leave. Please..."

I nod and walk out the door, then take a minute to look back, only to find it closed.

The wedding march rings in my ears as I walk towards the exit. I hear the movement of everyone in the church standing up. I pause and look to where Clare's headed down the aisle. Breathtakingly perfect.

Then I hear a cry, and I rush into the church. I see Clare and Owen, and everyone else surrounding someone on the floor. I push through and find Violet screaming, crying on the floor. I bend down and look at her. I watch as everyone else tries to get her attention, to get her to stop crying so they can continue on. Owen's face is hard edged and I see Marisol behind him, with her hand surrounding his.

"Lettie. Sweetie, don't cry baby." Clare coos, but the wailing continues.

I move closer to them and tap Violet on the shoulders. She looks up at me, her tear filled eyes so round and hypnotizing. "Lettie, what's wrong?"

She sobs, "I fell down, and...and I hurt my knee."

Clare moves back a little, staring at us, then turning to face Owen.

"Can I see?" I ask and she nods her little head, pulling her skirt up past her knee. "Oh, this looks pretty bad Lettie, we might need surgery!"

She looks at me, with wide eyes, "S-Surgery?"

I smirk, "Or we could use an old Goldsworthy family trick. Would you like that?"

She nods, the tears no longer falling.

"Alright. Close your eyes, and pick a color."

Her eyes close and she pauses, "Whi...no. Periwinkle with grey spots!"

I chuckle softly and place my hand on her knee. "Keep thinking of that, and when I count to fifteen you won't hurt anymore. Ready?"

"Ready!" she smiles, eyes still closed.

"I...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15."

She opens her eyes and smiles, "It doesn't hurt anymore!"

"What can I say kiddo, I'm magic." I wink and she giggles. I kiss her cheek and then get up, bow slightly at her and look for Clare. But both her and Owen are gone.

I back out of the room and head out the big arching door, walking down the church steps.

* * *

The next day I'm home in my apartment when I hear a knock at my door I walk over to get it, "Who is it?"

"It's me." Liam's voice calls.

"And me!" Bells says.

"Don't forget me!" Lettie's small voice giggles.

I smirk and open the door, "Hey kids! There's some food in the kitchen."

They all run past me.

"Just promise to leave some for my dinner!"

They giggle and I go to close the door and join them, but something stops the door.

"Got enough for one more?"

I look up, "Clare? I-I thought you'd..."

She cuts me off, "Be on my honeymoon? So did I. But I guess Owen and Marisol had other plans. So, do you have enough food for one more?"

I open the door more, "Always for you Clare."

She walks in, and takes off her jacket, turning to me. "And about yesterday, I..."

I cut her off, "It's alright."

She looks at me, "No, it isn't Eli. I, I shouldn't have said that to you. I didn't mean it."

I meet her gaze, "I meant what I said though. As long as you're happy Clare, I'll be fine."

"Well, I'm not happy."I go to speak but she cuts me off, "I'm no where near happy Eli. I haven't been for years. My kids are great. They're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I regret nothing about my life with them. What I do regret is Bill. But my biggest regret? Well, that would be not talking to you after I left for college. I just wanted a fresh start, and I got a new life. I hated not talking to you, and I missed seeing you. And I guess when I got that back everything else was just second best. Until Owen came along, and I thought I was happy. I thought he was my redo because of Bill. But, I was wrong." She pauses and takes in a breath, "My redo was you, Eli. Seeing you that night was fate, and I hate that it took me until now to see that. I love you Eli. I love you more than ever, more than anyone else I've ever loved. And, I'm sorry it took me until now to realize it."

I grab her and kiss her quickly, pulling back enough only so I can talk, "Don't apologize."

"I love you Eli." she smiles.

"I love you too Clare."

"Aw!"

We both turn around, still holding onto each other, and see the kids standing in the doorway from my kitchen.

Bells giggles after she takes a bite of her cookie, "What? You thought we weren't going to listen in? Yeah right."

Lettie smiles big staring at me, "I thought it was the sweetest thing ever."

Liam rolls his eyes, "I didn't need to see the lip-lock though. That was gross!"

Clare walks over behind him, "You thought that was gross, eh?" then she kisses his cheeks over and over again, getting giggles from the two girls and sighs from Liam.

"Let go!" he says, and after she sets him down, she sighs.

"It's not too bad," Liam says, "But still gross."

I smirk and look at Clare, and she smiles staring back at me.

_Love_, is now my mantra..

**Final Author's note:** Welcome to the last chapter this lovely fic, I hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as we have. I hope we've made you love us as people, and enjoy our fics more.

Please review, this being our last chapter and all

xoxoxo Catherine and Hope

_ps; should we make a sequel?_


End file.
